This is one question bothering me. I just don’t feel like expressing much. It’s been like this for nearly a year or so now. There was a time when I loved to write. It was such an important aspect of who I was. This included poetry too. I had poems springing up in my head at times like when I am eating or driving and for gods sakes even in sleep or dreams. I remember at least 3 times when I was actually asleep n something was going in my head that seemed like a dream and some poem just happened I had to make an effort to get up n take it down because I may very well forget it till the next time I wake up. 2-3 poems have been written at time like 2 am or so in the night. And writing for anything I would hardly leave a chance. But for the past whole year I feel I have gone numb of sorts. Not that I don’t react or don’t rhyme but I just don’t feel like putting it down. Initially I was always excited to show some poem at least to my mom and dad and friends. Slowly I stopped showing it to friends. Everyone used to say I was too philosophical. Now I object to that, I mean “hello” how much philosophic can a 9th grader be. Although it was way back but not everyone dares to read or listen to my poems even now. Later somehow although I wrote I never bothered to even show it to my mom. And for the year and a half I don’t even bother to write. Some sort of numbness has come inside me.
I got a huge fire recently from a friend of mine about not blogging, about the real serious stuff that I keep saying or teachings or my observations etc. Even I thought why have I become so lazy? But no it’s not really laziness its some kind of numbness that I feel inside. I don’t know what it is or why is it. Maybe it’s because my mom kind of discouraged being too emotional,(I always wrote when I feel too emotional. She loved my poems but said well it’s a sign of being over emotional. Reading and writing have been my passion for as long as I remember. And I never cared if anyone liked what I wrote I just used to force them to read. But now I don’t know why I feel that what’s the point when no one bothers? That raises another question; since when did I start caring or considering if OTHERS care or bother or not. And I have been like this for say like more than a year or so. I don’t know if this numbness has any remedy or not or how long will it last. I really hope I get over it soon and be able to start active blogging. And fulfill the reason which made me even create this blog.