Thursday, November 06, 2008

HEALING RELATIONSHIPS

Hello People,I have recently recieved a mail which has the quoted message of one of the dasaji (monk) of the oneness university.Iam going to just quote the whole thing here. The reason i liked it is,whatever is written in the mail has not only been a presonal realisation supported by personal experience.This is actully the way that I have been not only able to help myself but also many many others who have approached for help to me for their relationship problems.This is the pivotal point of my way of counselling the people.That is what is my focus whenever I try to counsel someone.And it takes a certain amount of absoloute honesty and courage to be able to see ourself.So many times or rather i say 99% times people have faced problem in relationship,or work, it's the shadow side of ourselves of being a human that rules us and our behaviour,and thus it takes humbleness ,honestly and courage to face our ugliness and accept it.But as soon as we do it, there happens a huge amount of healing and we can actually feel a shift of paradigm in terms of energy and perception.This honest self enquiry not only heals but also empowers us. As we shift the focus from outer (from whats out there troubling me ) to inner (that what inside of myself attracted this to me,what can i do to myself in order to heal this),we are not only able to seal off the energy leakeage but taking personal responsibility empowers us to change a lot of things in life. afterall responsibility means ..RESPONSE Ability ..we are given the ABILITY to RESPOND ..(I DONT MEAN ..REACT .I MEAN RESPOND..there is difference between the two)
Ok now that i have typed a lot of gyan which may seem out of context so i better quote the mail ..once you read what's in the mail and re-read what's written above it may make a lot more sense. I hope it helps ..not just the readers but also myself. Afterall mastering someting does require practice and reminding.
this is the mail.

How to Heal Relationship Problems : By-Krishnaraj Dasaji

When having relationship problems, you need to actually start opening up to yourself, because there is a very major part of ourselves that we're not aware of. What we have failed to see about ourselves is a major portion of our lives, and that has to be unveiled and has to experienced.
People also must know that they're not being subjected to a punishment or some kind of mental torture. It is more like a healing process to help them. This knowledge can help you to actually experience the whole process without resisting or fighting it.
Every time you go through a relationship problem, you actually get to see more of yourself. It's not that you're getting to see something about the other person, you're only getting to see that side of you that is hurt, that which wants love, which wants attention, which cannot forgive, which's not accepted, which feels rejected.
It is these things that you are getting to see about yourself when going through a relationship problem. It is something that you have to process through, otherwise how long can this be kept swept under the carpet--how long can this be suppressed? You have to let Divine Grace put you through this. Please know full well that you are not being judged or condemned by the Divine when you're being put through such a process. You are only being helped. This is a healing process to help you grow in relationship with the Divine, and grow in love and joy. As you start accepting all this within yourself, you are truly finally accepting the other person also. All of us tend to think that talking with the other person, or reasoning with them, or applying some principle is going to help us. That is not the truth. You can only know and accept the resistance you have to that relationship.

When you say you have a relationship problem, please understand that you are not having a problem with the relationship or the other person; you are only having a problem within yourself. You are only having a problem accepting all this reality about yourself--that you may be a person who craves attention, who has still not forgiven, who feels guilty about your past, or who is unable to stop hating someone, etc.
The other person is immaterial, and who he or she is isn't what is making you uncomfortable. How you experience him or her within you is the cause of your relationship problem. And that is what has to be experienced. So in every crisis you are only getting to see more of yourself. It has nothing to do with the other person.As you start facing the truth of your own resistance; it starts the melting of it under the heat of your awareness.

1 comment:

Kaddu said...

So true! Relationships are like mirrors... they show us aspects of ourselves which we haven't noticed yet. And I speak from personal experience! But once we acknowledge those ignored aspects of ourselves, and deal with them the way we need to, our relationships are also automatically healed. The only trouble is not many of us realize that we need to look within and not around us!