Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Anguish Of the Day

My whole day was really bad today ..but i know ..things will improve some how ..n i have decided to take on this ..i dunno how iam gonna do it or what...but now ..without med hi theek karna hai apne aap ko ..3 sal ho gaye meds le ke ..kuch improvement hai ..but not what i had expected ..or not what was needed ..
Itna sab seekha hai ..dusron ko help karta rehta hun ..lekin agar khud mein nahi aaya improvement to kya faida..i was on rs 600 meds per week ..now its 400rs per months ..i cant spend any more now ..jo hoga ab dekhange ...le ke bhi kuch nahi farak ho raha hai ..its really time to accept what iam ..if iam mad iam ..no talant then so be it ..not worth 6 or 7lakhs job a year .fuck it ...not an engineer ..leave it ...its time i just leave all ...
and its time my mom also accepts her son.
if leaving meds means more madness so be it. Not entitled for a good life or marriage etc ..ok ..its time that i live like a dead man.
It's a challange to my spiritual initiations energies
n i really am leaving all hope n be in bare naked truth. all this anger sounds stupid ,,a call for help or something ..but this is what is my state right now now ...

1 comment:

yours_nonie said...

Gudd.Thts like a crazy boy.I think this is ur rejunvate phase exper it .Let see the Change .bored of same life.[:)]