Thursday, December 18, 2008

Timeless Insights – Relationships

The followling is the mail i got as a part of Teachings of shri Amma n Bhagwan founders of Oneness university.It s really worth a read and insights here can powerfully alter people's lives in all dimensions.I request you to please go through it very carefully.And i pray that those who read it should be blessed by beloved Amma n Bhagwan.

Miracles are natural occurrences in everybody's life. They are part of the divine scheme. Miracles are all the time happening in your life; sometimes sought but very often unsought. A failure is recognizing grace and channelizing it when required could very often be traced to improper relationships. All problems in relationships could basically be traced to hurt; you either hurt or get hurt. It is the need to control or possess people, like you would be a piece of furniture that leads to mutual pain.

The resultant discord in relationships manifests itself in the external world as problems with health, finance, career, even lack of spiritual growth. This is because, "the external world is essentially the reflection of the internal world". That is why each one of you comes across custom-made life situations meant especially for you. When you discover love in relationships, forgive and seek forgiveness from those you have hurt, your heart flowers and you begin to experience grace. Greater your love, greater would be the grace that you would witness in your own life.

[1]All love could only begin with love for oneself. I have always maintained that you could do only to others what you do unto yourself. Contemplate on it and you would discover that the way you relate to yourself internally is exactly the way you relate to others. If you condemned and criticized yourself for every thought, word or deed of yours, you would certainly do the same to the others also. If you were obsessed and disturbed with your own shortcomings, you would trouble others as well about their shortcomings too. When you stop warring with yourself and accept yourself as you are, you are in love with yourself. You have made peace within and hence with the world. Remember, "to love your neighbour, you need to love yourself first".

[2]Next to relationship with oneself, is one's relationship with one's parents. Your relationship with your parents forms the mould in which you would experience all the other relationships in life, including God. Let us say, you are hurt with your father since you hate his domineering attitude, you would certainly come across many such people who to you, reflect your father. They could be your friend, spouse or your superior. You would resent authority wherever you come across it and hence damage yourself. If you were hurt with your mother because you felt she preferred your sister to you; remember this hurt would be carried through life colouring every other relationship with your mother making you feel unloved. A troubled relationship with your mother would mean unnecessary health problems and obstacles in your path to achievement and with your father would mean financial losses. If you would somehow work out your relationship with them, get over your hurts and seek their forgiveness, a break through is round the corner. Seek the blessings of your parents with gratitude and grace would flow through them to you.
[3] The basic problem in relationship with one's spouse is the constant endeavour to understand and to change the other. All the time you are analyzing your partner. Innumerable factors, in fact the whole universe is acting upon your partner creating him or her from moment to moment. When somebody is changing all the time, how could you possibly understand? Any effort to understand is futile. By the time you understand they would have changed. You have tried so many ways to change your spouse – by remaining silent, by fighting back, by advising, by showing love and care, by staying away. But sadly the expected change very often does not happen. Trying to change your spouse you are unconsciously implying that he or she is not good enough to be loved. This hurts and in turn leads to a distance in relationships. Trying to change your spouse is like going to the same movie for 365 days, expecting that the climax would change someday. If the key to your happiness lies in the change you would like to see in others, they you have a very difficult if not an impossible price to pay.. The door to happiness that you are trying to open through the transformation of your spouse is but a mirage. All transformation is a happening, life or grace has to do it. When you accept and experience your spouse, as she or he is, that is the beginning to love.
[4] Being a parent is one of the most difficult roles to play. Much of humanity is a victim to the lovelessness of their own parents. Since it is very difficult to show love if one has not received it, you as parents do not know what is to love your child. Being possessive and trying to fulfil your own unfulfilled needs through your child is not love. Love is not merely fulfilling their requirements.

A child needs much more than care. It needs to experience your attention, friendship and acceptance that is unconditional. You need to be awake to the change occurring in your child and cope with it through understanding. No child is damaged by the firmness its parents holds for it. The best way to relate to your is sometimes to become a child yourself.
One who has experienced love in his or her childhood naturally grows into a loving partner or friend, an understanding parent and very often a successful individual. A happy human being is also a spiritual human being.

Contemplative Questions:

Here is a set of questions that would provoke you and put you through some soul searching. They are not about religion nor about ethics. They are merely about you.

They are not meant to serve as solutions nor are they meant to lead you anywhere. These questions are meant to serve as tools to discovering yourself.

1. How similar are you to the person who most abhor? What in them do you dislike? Do you fear you have that in you too?

2. Could you boast of a miracle or something totally surprising and pleasant landing out of the blue in your life? How does the memory of it affect you?

3. Is there someone you have hurt and have not contemplated seeking forgiveness? Why?

4. Can you correlate your financial loses and obstacles on the path to success to your relationships with your parents?

5. How would you categorize your relationship with your partner – thrilling, manageable, impossible?

6. What are you trying to change in your partner?

7. Given that your child is going to learn the art of relating from you. What kind of an example are you setting?


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Forever at the Lotus Feet of Sri Amma Bhagavan,

1 comment:

Devanshi ~ Danelle said...

Im confused about the parents section. We are only with our parents thru Karma. So why is it we need to seek their blessings? If they won't change then how can we be blessed by them? For example, a father who believes his race or caste is better than all others. And you cannot marry outside of that. You forgive him for his ignorance...yet he wont forgive you for what he feels as betrayal and embarrassment by doing what you want...not what he wants. So how can one be blessed in this situation? I think that statement needs to be re-written. So many people are able to detach themselves from their parents these days bec they understand why they were attached to them in the first place i.e. being born to them...bec of karma and lessons to be learned. I don't feel a parents have to give their blessings bec at the end of the day you can't make them if they truly will not.....just hope they learn their karmic lessons in this life time before it is too late.